so my default comfort mechanism for when i'm feeling shitty and/or shitty stuff is happening is to go to one or more of my friends and just rant at them about everything, and sometimes it helps a lot and makes me feel completely better, and sometimes it doesn't help as much and i still end up mulling over and over in my head

but it's still better than being alone with it, you know?

like it is definitely something i'm proud of - the fact that i'm able to reach out to people and tell them what's going on and when something is happening.  that i can open up to people at all really, because it's easy to become isolated in situations like mine.

i realise i haven't gone into specifics on this blog and there are probs people reading this who don't actually know what's happening, and what's causing the situational depression & anxiety (naturally situational implies there's an outside cause) and if you're reading this then it's more likely than not that you're someone i wouldn't mind telling, so hmu if you like.

deciding whether or not to tell someone is one of the harder parts because i'm always wondering how they'll take it, and whether i really want to spill my life story out to them. also it tends to be really out of the blue? i'm good at keeping up the facade and i almost invariably get shock and 'i had no idea' and it does feel like i'm burdening them.

i'm getting better at realising that i'm not, and that the people i tell appreciate knowing and the implicit trust in me telling them, and that they'd rather know than not.

...hah, writing that just made me realise that it's not often really think i don't want them to know, because i tend to really trust the people in my life. i think that's something i like about myself too. or maybe i just have this tendency to attract really good people? either way.

i can't remember what else i wanted to cover, so i'll just end it here.