i would really really like to stop crying so much

hashtag sad and lonely and empty

i actually take the liked music on my fb profile very seriously like i can't let it represent me inaccurately so i have to keep updating and pruning

if you're wondering where i've been i confess

i've just been taking pictures of the cats

most of the pics are of crystal cos she's my fave more cooperative with my cathandling her into my lap and screaming 'LOVE ME' while i snapchat her to my friend in minnesota

but there's also athena

who is very pretty and fluffy and small and swipes at you if you piss her off

crystal tho

athena usually never sits in peoples laps so we wanted to capture this moment

tho it's become a pretty common occurence now. plus it's not all it's cracked up to be, her claws are sharp.

'once again i am forced to submit to this ceaseless violation of my autonomy and privacy. will the torture never end?'

yeah, right, like shes that fancy.

i like getting pics of them lying together, but crystal's been acting weird lately? she keeps stalking and pouncing on athena, swiping at her face, and not in a friendly way. it's bizarre, she's usually the more docile/gentle one, so i am concerned.

i just really love cats.

the weirdest thing is when you're on facebook and you see two friends who you met completely randomly are friends with each other

like 'you're my boyfriend's friend how do you know my cousin???'

also bizarre is when you add people on facebook for one semester for a group project or s/t and then months later you have no idea who they are

man it's been a while since i've blogged

i don't want to be at uni anymore

i don't want to be anywhere anymore

hi joi

they say that nobody hates a fandom more than ex fans and i think theres truth in there

rrrrrrrgh i just hate bbc sherlock so much it's disgusting racist sexist homophobic queerbaiting trash wrapped up in scenery porn and contrived plot twists for ~drama~ with no emotional follow through

like seriously

- london is one of the most ethnically diverse cities on earth and like 99% of the cast is white bread mayo

- except for the asian gangsters or waifish doll-like asian girl yay fetishisation

- like really

- anderson is portrayed as a bitch just bcos she doesnt immediately fall over and kiss the ass of the asshole protag who abuses witnesses for faster results and is a dick to everyone around him

- sherlock's entirely unnecessary comments on her sex life

- the lesbian falls for the man ofc, grossssss

- DO I NEED TO EVEN MENTION THE QUEERBAITING HOLY SHIT

- like moffat and crew never have any intention of making the characters canonically queer so stop using your fanbase and then mocking them for shipping the two characters

- seriously, you knowingly put in things to tease queer fans already desperate for representation and then laugh it off like 'oh no but they couldn't actually be gay!!! that would be ridiculous hahahah!' like thank you. thank you that a whole group of marginalised people's identities is a joke to you. thanks

- what!! the fuck!!! was the first ep of s3!!! FANS SPENT THE TWO YEAR HIATUS COMING UP WITH AMAZING THEORIES THAT YOU COULD NEVER HAVE THOUGHT UP, MOFFAT, AND THAT IS WHY YOU DIDNT EVEN SHOW HOW SHERLOCK SURVIVED THE FALL, BECAUSE YOU LITERALLY HAD NO FUCKING CLUE AND IT WAS ALL FOR DRAMA. once you look past the shock value there is nothing there. a writer doesn't get to conveniently avoid the questions, that's not how writing works, your writing needs internal consistency or it's bullshit.

- also!!!! sherlock and john's relationship is so fucking abusive and yet it's supposed to be played off as funny. he makes john think he's going to die just so that john will accept his apology and then LAUGHS at how terrified he was holy shit i just


this show is an irredeemable mess, i could just go on and on but i'm tired and fucking mad.

sex on the beach ;)

chocolate maple moo

we're getting bored of the same old drinks, so time for a night of cocktail mixing~~

supanova cosplay of hanekawa tsubasa from monogatari, aka my girlfriend.

social contact is one of my main coping methods and also one of my fave things to do so i have to make sure i don't neglect it

but then, how could i not be

i never meant to become a sjw, it just sort of snuck up on me bit by bit and now it's part of who i am and i'm glad.

i'm so glad to have found a lovely circle of people to hate tony abbott with, especially when i find myself talking to a liberal voter at uni or something

unrelated but i really am sick of having periods like why the fuck. stop. i am not in need of this organ. nor this biological process. probs the pill would be useful and plus i would not forget it because i already take meds and that will remind me!! yay!!

tbh the only thing that interests me atm is chemistry so at least that narrows it down

like i hated it in high school because nothing seemed relevant or connected but now that i can see the bigger picture it's all so fascinating

chemistry is fascinating

i am legit terrified of failing this maths subject a second time tho. i should really start attending tutes/doing actual maths work

tbh i still dont even feel like i'm even at uni?

also i got bra fitted on friday and turns out i am a 10DD and not a 12C as i originally thought

- no DD isn't that huge, the reason that people think it's huge is when models say they wear DD but turns out they're wearing the wrong size too and are actually like JJ
- having a larger band instead of cup size is increds common

i highly recommend getting measured!!! wearing bras that fit right are awesome and have got rid of a huge amount of my hate towards them as they're so much less uncomfortable (tho ofc they're still bras, but if you're going to wear one defs wear one that fits right and save yourself any unnecessary pain)

the past week has been hectic!! basically we had anime camp on tuesday - thursday (which was okay tho it rained most of the time) and then supanova on saturday which was good!! so much sick loot purchased yay

seeing hillary posting makes me want to post!! good job hillary!!!

in other news i'm switching from lexapro (escitalopram) to sertraline because after being on those meds for 6+ months they still felt ineffective and like i was getting worse rather than better. hopefully the new meds help

a lot of things make me angry but one thing i've noticed makes me extra angry is islamaphobia because it directly affects some of the most important people to me, and the constant presence of it, and how normalised it is, never fails to sicken me.

SO FIRST OF ALL I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT IT IS ENTIRELY MY FAULT THIS LIST IS SO LATE AND IF YOU DONT HAVE THE GIFT ON THE DAY THAT IS TOTALLY FINE and i am totally willing to wait if it means awesome present

(last year's list for comparison lmao)

i like

- anything purple or watermelon
- i also like colourful/rainbow stuff

- probably could do with some more purple lipstick tbh

- black over the knee socks
- knee high socks in general
- i'm usually around a size 14-16 for clothes and for shoes

fictional char obsessions are atm
- hitsugaya toshiro
- hanekawa tsubasa
- dave strider
- roxy lalonde
also always steve rogers. captain america the winter soldier is my fav movie. someone get me the poster.

- harry potter/hufflepuff stuff is also cool

- my fave pokemon are espeon, sylveon, glaceon and skitty (in that order)

- i also really really love cats but maybe not a living one right now
- cat things are brill tho

- chocolate is great

- somebody needs to get me fancy soap/bubble bath/shower gel. watermelon excellent but not essential. purple/pink and glittery ideal.

- a cheap purple/pink/silver watch might be nice?

- gift cards & money more than welcome

- no stationery tho, don't quite have the time/use for it atm.

- there's got to be something viable on here

- if in doubt chocolate. i like blocks of milk chocolate or maltesers or toblerone or aero or something

house adventures

day 2 and i have portioned and frozen my own meat i am a true adult

also the rice burned and we sprayed this vanilla air freshener we just bought and now the house smells like slightly burnt creme brulee, which isnt too bad

as of this arvo we are finally semi-permanently moving (back) in to my old house and i am looking forward to it and o-week and uni and this semester in general. this holiday has been a huge break but i think i want to get back to life again.

riley makes excellent tea.

me, watching australian tv: everyone is so white

one thing that i keep coming back to time after time is the concept of memories

like there's absolutely no proof that everything you've ever experienced (and are experiencing right now, for that matter) isn't just pre-loaded into you, like how video game characters are programmed.

you've never done anything you remember doing, you just feel like you have (which is just as good?)

so many people love my purple lipstick tho it's wonderful

arts subjects really kill your hand tho o m g

i think i just wrote a really intense IR essay because post-modernism makes SO MUCH SENSE

exams don't even scare me i just resent them for being such a waste of my time and life

i really hate exams, not out of nervousness but out of contempt at what an irrelevant method of judging proficiency in a subject they are, and mainly, how absolutely fucking boring they are.

it's kind of too noisy here and also too far away from all my friends and too isolated and i can't just jump on a bus to wherever i would normally go and i kind of really miss my own house and my own room and the view of the sunset and.

i don't know. i miss home, but i get the feeling that if i went back, it wouldn't be there anymore.

i miss home but the problem is that i don't have a home anymore

i feel sick and my head hurts and my heart hurts and i don't want to be here and i don't want to be anywhere and i just want everything to stop and go away i don't want to exist

at this point i can confirm that i generally freeze up and shut down during a crisis