one thing that i keep coming back to time after time is the concept of memories

like there's absolutely no proof that everything you've ever experienced (and are experiencing right now, for that matter) isn't just pre-loaded into you, like how video game characters are programmed.

you've never done anything you remember doing, you just feel like you have (which is just as good?)

so many people love my purple lipstick tho it's wonderful

arts subjects really kill your hand tho o m g

i think i just wrote a really intense IR essay because post-modernism makes SO MUCH SENSE

exams don't even scare me i just resent them for being such a waste of my time and life

i really hate exams, not out of nervousness but out of contempt at what an irrelevant method of judging proficiency in a subject they are, and mainly, how absolutely fucking boring they are.

it's kind of too noisy here and also too far away from all my friends and too isolated and i can't just jump on a bus to wherever i would normally go and i kind of really miss my own house and my own room and the view of the sunset and.

i don't know. i miss home, but i get the feeling that if i went back, it wouldn't be there anymore.

i miss home but the problem is that i don't have a home anymore

i feel sick and my head hurts and my heart hurts and i don't want to be here and i don't want to be anywhere and i just want everything to stop and go away i don't want to exist

at this point i can confirm that i generally freeze up and shut down during a crisis