getting this semester's result has really shown me how far my standards have dropped and it sickens me

i used to be so good at school, all the effort i put into everything and the constant hd's i took for granted

and now i'm sitting on a credit average and i'm realising that the whole identity of 'smart' was only in comparison

i used to devine myself by my smartness and kindness and now i'm around so many smart people that the former doesnt matter, and the lattr, well. i'd hardly call myself a kind person anymore.

just. i feel like i'm falling behind. and i know i should be inspired by all the intelligence but i just feel inferior, like i'll never measure up. i'll never again reach the standards i used to have. i feel behind and i feel like i'll only get further behind and then i'll just be nowhere.